good week !

It isn't a surprise that I had a good week, but I feel the need to write just a bit about it. I'm really enjoying all my classes currently...the ones I'm taking and the ones I'm teaching...Just the idea I get to teach and the lovely subject matter blows me away most of the time. I have a friend who says we should not live in the undeserving thoughts (or something near that) and I believe it but sometimes stuff creeps in.

Had just a little studio time; most everything is mixed...scary..now the hard work is up to me, glueing all the other parts together...mercy!

Met a couple of lovely new friends and spent quality time singing and getting acquainted...always good. Had a couple of nice rehearsals, sang at a Haiti benefit last night and sang at a church service this morning...my first love. A dear childhood friend was a part of that, which made it more special, then she and I had lunch afterwards. There is something very different, aside from "depth", somehow, about friends of decades...

This evening topped the whole thing off with a soup supper bday party for a friend..met some new folks, spent good music time with others I haven't seen for awhile. Now sleep, then tomorrow a new week, a new month and lots of textbook time! Many thanks to the God who creates and restores for blessings and gifts and time.

Learning

I believe learning is sooo important. True, I don't expect many folks to disagree with this and I believe it is a widely accepted view. Somehow I just get jostled by surprise when nearly every day I am conscious I have learned a thing. The best things are not new facts committed to memory in some way, but realizing I have been changed by what I have seen or heard. These days it frequently comes in the form of textbook reading or hearing a lecture. It is important to expose oneself to these moments, by reading or listening; this is not always an easy part for it is very convenient to watch a movie (or tv) or hang on the computer.

My favorite is when it comes from a conversation with a friend. And I have to admit, my very very favorite is when I learn something about me..Often however it's more of an acceptance of something about me. For instance, when I decide to believe a thing about my worth or value or capability that previously was hidden by some old lie.

I do not want to blame stuff or people here, but I believe I was raised in a narrow-minded sort of group or region, or something. Becoming aware of different ways people think, feel, live still feels like "aha!" moments. Perhaps it is good to not get over amazement. Actually, the amazing things in life are the ones that keep a person going - - no, more than that; they keep a person revved! Like when I realize I'm playing piano "better" than I once did, ever did. How did that happen? Some new energy and belief came with the new piano somehow... ? Or that God's grace has shaped me into someone who can be generous in ways I never considered. Another is that I can be comfortable with people I used to throw into boxes, "Oh, theeeyyyy, don't . blah . . want. .think . . about/with me. ." or "I'm sorry, you expect ME to get involved with . . talk to . . provide . . for him/her . . . "

It feels like grace to me. I am grateful for it. Quite possibly it is the most amazing of all the things.

Songs to teach

This week my classes begin again. I soooo love teaching and the songs chosen for Wednesdays class are bluegrass songs about flowers, gardens. It's 15 degrees and supposed to snow half a foot tonight, that's why.

Wonder what I'd be teaching if I lived in Miami FL ? ..footprints in the snow?

It is a privilege to assist singers; to help them get to a new place in their capabilities of presenting a song...

on what is deserved . . .

Occasionally someone will say, "Oh, you deserve it" commenting on a good thing that has come my way, your way...I wonder about what we actually deserve in this life...and perhaps the personal trouble I have with this is just in the word. It presents an entitlement to the issue, something served on a platter, if you will.

What do we deserve?

What do we not deserve?

Today I will visit with a friend who has had a year no one ever deserves. Heartbreak, financial ruin, etc. ..Yes, she's landed on her feet and she will be fine. She is, however, a terrific human who is creative and kind to a fault and a delight to be around. It would be easy to say she certainly didn't deserve that...Where would you ever say someone would deserve such a thing?

I lost a dear friend this year. His death left a gaping hole. The hole was not as big as it left in his father's life, however. You live to your three-score and ten to watch your child die? Seems completely undeserved.

I have been provided the magnificent gift of time these past few months....lots of time. I do not believe I have been terribly productive with it. Judgmental friends who live with a lot of "shoulds" would have the same opinion I'm pretty sure.

Is this about self-judgment? Am I making too much of this?

Are we to live so that we can always be seen as deserving? Didn't God take care of this when He placed us on this earth? We are important to God, so we are. I don't know that we deserve anything. I like to think we are strengthened to get through the things that come in our path.

Large hurdles like owning one's truth will always be in our path. For me, this is the dragon to slay every day. Somewhere in young childhood I believed I was undeserving.. This brings a whole new light to these thoughts. the "less than" . . it is a plague.

Here's hoping you are not looking for resolution to my inner debate, for I do not have one. It is gift enough that I can see all the points and identify day by day what thing I may need to change in my thoughts and behaviors...which truth to grasp.

That makes a difference.

It's like the new song you cannot believe you didn't know (or hear) for your whole life until now.

Mercifully, it found you and it stays in your head.

Sorting

Today I will sort...the junk mail from the real mail (read bills), the things that might be good to hang on to and read later (much) to what must be kept (little), the scraps of paper with bits of info and the ridiculous flyers that want to lure me into stores. So there is lots to go into the recycle bin. For me it is important to either rip things to an unreadable size or condition or get it outside to the big recycle bin; it seems I like to revisit things. This is never an intention, but happens nonetheless. It's not unlike pieces of my life. Odd how I avoid what should be revisited and return to the emotional junk mail, those things that clutter and do not fulfill or help in any way. Some nutty thought of decades past tempts me to ponder those things I cannot change, those things that may have done some damage, as though checking to make sure they're still there will provide an "aha" moment. Alas, the aha's have happened, moving on is the important step. For, yes, I have done more than just see the memories; I know the next step. It's a "Lord, help my unbelief" moment... unbelief in my ability to take the next step. Have you heard that it is wrong to avoid doing the right thing? What would have happened if Joseph had not done the right thing, the thing the angel told him to do. . . to take Mary and the Child to another region? What if the men Herod sent out had not taken the long way back ..? Granted, this is my life, not the Savior of the world's, but perhaps it is always important to step into God's truth and "do" the behavior, even on days we have trouble embracing the truth. For me, this morning it starts with sorting.

Junk mail be gone, clutter banished. It may be one room at a time, but it will matter.

Mercy, an entire new year and chance to write regularly!

So this is quite a feat for me - getting to this on only the second day of the year. It's been a quiet and lazy year thus far. I watched a bit of tv, hanging at Tim's while he and Simone were out of town. The idea was to hang with the cats, provide them some human company but they clearly are interested only in the human interaction that has to do with food and water, mostly food. But we had a little "buddy" time...not much.They're gorgeous cats and full of personality, from afar, but personality nonetheless. This post I will not do the deep emotional purge of reviewing last year but I will say it was a huge huge year for me. I continue to evaluate the changes it has made in me.

I am grateful for a new year, I am grateful for each new day. May I be less like the sloth and get more done. ...quite original. right.

On January 2 of 2009 I never would have guessed that many things would happen in my life and I would not have believed a couple of them...flat out would not have believed. I continue to thank God for the things I feel give me life and trust Him for strength to get through the things that scare and drain me.

Friends none of us are in charge, even of our own lives.

May we each stay awake to the opportunities and responsibilities we are given.